Out of Love by Hazel Hayes: a review

I’d been waiting with anticipation for this book since the fundraiser was announced. I got the signed hard-

back perk, and loved seeing every update. Despite everything this year, the book still landed on my d

oorstep with the autograph inside.

            I read the first chapter immediately, but while facetiming a friend of mine, we decided I could read the book to her so we could both enjoy it. I wanted to bring this up because my experience reading this is almost definitely different than if I’d read it on my own. Just as a side-note to this, it also made me feel way better about reading the book aloud. I read books out loud to help me sound out words, and it helps with my dyslexia. Reading to someone else that I trust really made me feel much more relaxed about the whole thing. I’m very thankful for her patience.

            Out of Love by Hazel Hayes follows an unnamed first-person protagonist during her relationship with Theo. The story travels backwards from the end of their relationship all the way back to the beginning. I thought this was such a unique concept, and it was executed so beautifully. It never got confusing, and I feel as though the book was made far more immersive by being told this way. it felt like a jigsaw puzzle being put together; each chapter puts more pieces into place, and the final chapter is the last piece that beautifully slots into place. Were it told chronologically, I don’t think it would be as satisfying to read, and I think that all of Theo’s red flags would be far more easily looked over or missed, just as the protagonist did in her time with Theo.

            We start out in our protagonist’s apartment when Theo is collecting the last of his things. Within the first few pages, Hayes sets the tone for the rest of the book; she’s able to make you laugh, then follow that up with something so heartfelt that can cut you to your core. It perhaps seems like an obvious statement, but the protagonist is so human. She doesn’t feel like just a character in a book. She’s almost tangible. It’s so easy to become invested in her story. Her ups, her downs, they’re all something that sit in your heart. I felt like I was a part of her life by the end.

            Mental health issues and the effects of trauma are handled phenomenally well in this book. It never felt exploitative or false like many other books I’ve read that cover these subjects. It felt honest, and Hayes handled it in such a way that struck me hard. It is especially the way she talks about anxiety that made me just sit there for a bit afterwards, not sure what to do with myself because I really sympathised with her. The section that, perhaps, hit me the most was towards the end in the chapter “Are You a Banana?”. It’s the part that relates to the chapter title. it hit me in a real soft spot, and really typifies how wonderfully Hayes talks about the struggles that come with mental health, and how that can make you feel like you’re not in control of your own brain. If you ever want to write fiction that deals with mental health, you have to read this book.

            Don’t get me wrong, this book will absolutely break your heart, but it is so worth it. Even in the darkest moments, Hayes shows you that there is positivity, but it sometimes takes reflection to be able to see that. Throughout this book, I cried, laughed, I sat in silence reflecting on myself. I am still in awe of the beauty and simplicity of Out of Love. I don’t mean “simplicity” as an insult, but rather the complete opposite; it is life as so many of us know it, and there truly is beauty in the every day.

            I think it goes without saying that I recommend Out of Love. Hazel Hayes has given us a book for the ages, and I’m sure I’ll find myself in its pages again one day. When I do, I’m sure I’ll spot all sorts of little details that I missed the first time around. I hope you enjoy this book as much as I did, and fall in love with it in the way that I have.